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Our heartbreak seems to cut us off from the rest of humanity; secretly it brings us closer together.
Almost no one gets through life without having their heart broken. Advice at such a dark moment tends to focus on letting time do the healing. But understanding and perspective also have a vital role. We sometimes make our situation far worse than it needs to be. We start to tell ourselves that we are not good enough, that we fail at everything, that this one rejection means we will always be maltreated ...
This is a book to help us get over heartbreak by offering some context, some history, some psychology and a little philosophy. We learn about how our responses to abandonment are formed, what the best way to think about an ex might be and how to envisage future relationships when we are in despair. We come away gently cheered that we are not alone, consoled that our suffering will have an end – and intrigued by the endless and subtle sorrows and joys of relationships.
• Why Did They Leave Us?
• Attachment Theory – and Break-Ups
• How Not to Be Tortured by a Love Rival
• The Wider Context of Our Sorrow
• Our Lover Was Not Unique
• The Benefits of a Broken Heart
On The Unfair Dismissal in Love
“We can’t contact a lawyer or go to the police with an accusation that someone broke our heart. We’re on our own. Not only is there no easy way of getting redress, there’s little on offer to help us deal with the pain. If we have a toothache or a broken leg, we are met by a society that has evolved sophisticated ways of dealing with the problem and built enormous institutions to offer us skilled help.”
On How To Break Up
“Our hurt can be hugely intensified when we’ve been left badly – just as it may be rendered a great deal more bearable when we are fortunate enough to have a lover who has learnt the psychologically rich art of a mature break-up.”
On The Benefits of a Broken Heart
“As we recover, we realise that our inner contentment isn’t entirely dependent on any one person in particular. There are many people and things that can sustain and support us. The great love has gone, but many other loves are still open to us.”
The Love Series by The School of Life aims to be like an ideal friend around the dilemmas of the heart. Each title zeroes in on one of the central issues we’re liable to confront – from dating to heartbreak, from affairs to arguments. What unites the books is their combination of psychological insight, humanity and warmth: They lend us the advice and comfort we need to find the happiness we deserve.